Fearlessly Boldly Silently ( excerpt from my book)

April 12, 2015  •  Leave a Comment

Cowra is an old county town in NSW, Australia, South West of Sydney  in the middle of no where. I lived there with my family, Mum, Dad, my brother and sister. I had a dog , her name was Sheba, she was my shadow, my playmate, my best friend. We would spend hours playing in the old cars that were left discarded on the property, our special place was under an old gum tree where we would sit together  with our invisible friends, we would wonder into the bush and lay in the long grass looking up at the clouds as they rolled by. My Dad was a traveling salesman and was never home very much, he was an alcoholic, he was not a bad man, he just had his demons that he could not face, problems he could never solve. Mum was a victim of circumstance, a beautiful gentle lady that came from an Italian Catholic background, she would wash our clothes by boiling water on the wooden stove and kept our house spotless.  When Dad did arrive home , so did his supplies of alcohol, looking back I could see pain etched on his face, he had a story to tell that was never told.  We run from pain in so many ways, through alcohol, substance abuse, relationships, fleeing from our pain removes us from our heart and we become incapable of feeling joy, some of us never can be still with ourselves, constantly running as to stand alone and face our demons is not for the weak. My parents taught me so much about life, which will unfold as my story continues. Sheba gave birth to 6 beautiful puppies, through the eyes of a child it was the most magical time for me, as they grew we would all sit out on the grassy slope each evening and feed the puppies powered milk when they were weaned. Those memories were the happiest of my childhood. One morning just after Christmas Dad put us all in the car along with Sheba and her puppies. He said they were going to a wonderful home and I could have them back when they were older. We drove several miles down a long dusty road, Dad pulled over and pointed to a house far far in the distance, that was their new home (he said). He placed Sheba and the puppies on the side of the road...he drove off...I sat peering out the back window , tears streaming down my face, my little heart bleeding, their little faces bewildered and confused...he left them behind on the side of the road. I was 4 years old. This was the first time my heart broke, my first experience of real  aching pain, their little faces would haunt me for the rest of my life and so my journey into the world began..that day.


To be continued


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